Juggling Hats

I could NOT believe as I logged in today that my last post was nearly a year ago.  Epic fail...that's all I have to say about that.

But honestly, who has time for blogging? And is there really any point? The past year has been about raising and growing babies (we welcomed our third daughter on September 16th, 2011), running a household, being a good wife (most of the time), a good daughter (most of the time) and a good friend (again...most of the time).  Then somewhere in between all of that I squeeze my job/ministry in and all of the responsibilities that come with that.  Juggling hats.

Most moms do this to varying degrees whether you are a mom that stays at home with your children...or a mom that works full time outside of the home.  You are constantly juggling the demands, needs, wants and expectations of others.  At any one time you are expected to wear 2, 3 or even 4 hats and do it effortlessly and perfectly.  What a load of crap. Yet despite knowing that, I still try.

Yesterday a good friend and colleague offered to help me as I physically juggled multiple bags and a heavy baby in a car seat all while struggling to find my keys in the rain.  I sarcastically laughed off his offer and said those famous words "No, I got it".  Once we were all safely buckled in the van (yes, I am now a minivan mom...what's it to ya) he pointed out that he thought I liked being a martyr.  Only because I love this person dearly and value his opinion did I not immediately deliver a tongue lashing.  I laughed it off and said something to the effect of "I'm just so used to doing it on my own...yada yada yada".  However, later those words were still nagging me.  Not only do I not take help when offered (and it isn't very often) but I almost NEVER ask for help.  Why...what's wrong with needing help.  I instruct my 4 year old daughter multiple times a day to ASK for help when she needs it. It's such a simple, juvenile concept and yet I seem to need to go back to childhood and RELEARN this lesson.

In the Bible it is very clear that Jesus, Lazarus and his two sisters, Mary and Martha were friends.  Not just occasional acquaintances, but close friends.  Jesus spent time in their home and they were comfortable with one another. There is one account where Jesus and his disciples arrived at the home of Lazarus and his sisters around meal time. This is what went down:

"She (Martha) had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus' feet and heard His word.  But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, 'Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore, tell her to help me' And Jesus answered and said to her, 'Martha, Martha you are worried and troubled about many things.  But one thing is needed, and Mary has chose that good part, which will not be taken from her'" (Luke 10:39-42)

Martha and her sister had very different personalities.  Martha was likely the older sister, feeling a sense of duty and responsibility to others, particularly her siblings. Martha was also the more assertive and outgoing of the two sisters, feeling comfortable with welcoming others into her home and approaching Jesus directly.

Mary, the little sis, on the other hand seemed to be in my opinion a little less diligent and was easily distracted from the task at hand. However, she was a worshiper to the core.  She sat at Jesus' feet, soaking in all he had to say and after Lazarus was raised from the dead she "took a pound of costly oil of spikenard, anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped His feet with her hair" (John 12:3).

I have long known that I tend to be a Martha.  If there is a job to be done, you will likely find me in the middle of it making sure it is completed. I often take on tasks that aren't even mine to own or worry about. I can become so incredibly focused on the "stuff" that needs to get done that I miss the opportunities that are right in front of me to grow, learn and refresh.

Yet, I have the longing to be a worshiper. My heart aches to sit and soak in all that God has blessed me with. To take a quiet moment to sit and listen. Listen for what God wants in my life.  Listen to His whispers of love. Listen to Him breathe.  Just listen.

Personally, I think Martha probably went back to the kitchen, muttering under her breath, FUMING mad and finished the task at hand.  I really don't know if she got it. But what would have happened if just for a moment she had put down her dishtowel, forgot about the food simmering on the stove, the dishes in the sink and the bread baking in the oven and had just listened.  What amazing knowledge would Jesus have shared with her?  What peace would have filled her heart? If she had only taken a moment to sit at the feet of her savior...and listen.

This brings me back to my original question.  What's the point of blogging?  Certainly not to impart some piece of knowledge or to portray that I have it all together.  That is most definitely not the case.  But perhaps to share with others in the struggle to find a better balance between the Martha and Mary within each of us.  May we be the amazing, multitasking women that God made us to be...all while remembering to ASK for help and to take moments to just listen.